Diabetes Does Truely Suck

I've had diabetes for about 20 years now. As I get older it becomes harder to maintain any sort of control over my sugar levels. My twin brother has essentially lost his battle with the disease. He's had his legs amputated, had quadruple bypass surgery and is on dialysis. I'm constantly in fear of winding up in his situation. I don't know how I'd deal with so many challenges at the same time. I don't know how he does it.

The obvious question is, "why not lose weight, pay more attention to your diet, and keep that from happening?" Good question. One my Endocrinologists has asked for the last 20 years. If only it were that easy to answer. Part of the answer is that I love to eat.

Eating has been a respite from my fears my whole life. Now I'm to the point where I eat when I'm sad, when I'm bored, when I'm lonely, when I'm scared. Not enough to be morbidly obese, just enough to play havoc with my sugars. Recently I've begun binge eating late at night. I've tried all sort of activities to keep me distracted, but I always seem to end up sitting on the recliner with a bag of chips, or scoop of ice cream, or whatever is handy, in my lap.

When I was a kid, eating before going to sleep was natural (in my house anyway). I ALWAYS had a snack before bedtime. I've changed that habit for My Daughter (MD). She is not allowed to have a snack before bedtime. I'm hoping this habit ends with me in the family.

A few months ago I started to feel tingling in my fingers and toes. A trip to the Dr. verified what I already knew. My neuropathy has advanced into nerve damage. I already can't stand for long because my legs go numb. Now it hurts to close my hands.

I've always needed to be hit by a 2x4 before realizing that action needed to be taken. In my brother's case, it was the heart attack. I often wonder whether it's gonna take heart attack to change my lifestyle. At least then I can tell myself, "why are you eating at 12:30 am? You had a heart attack you idiot".